i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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