I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
