can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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