Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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