i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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