A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
