my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
