I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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