Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
