I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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