I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
