nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
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Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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