i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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