The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
