You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
