You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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