Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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