what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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