You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
