took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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