Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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