I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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