Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
no, he came in my armpit
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
