You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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