im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
