it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
