apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
