For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
