We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
