Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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