Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
