I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
