I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
