Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize