i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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