I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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