Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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