I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
