why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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