Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
