so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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