I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize