i jhust puked up my retainher.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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