Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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