i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
