you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
