by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
