Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
