lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
