if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
