woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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