I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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