Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
