What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
