That's when you crack a 10am beer
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
