I didn't shave. On purpose
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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