Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
