Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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