Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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