you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
