My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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