i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dear god my vagina.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
