Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
