All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
